063 | Psychedelics Aren’t A Quick Fix: How To Lean In & Enjoy The Journey (The Journey 001)
“I am the one in the driver’s seat of my life, and if I’m triggered by something, why? Someone else might not be bothered by this, so why am I so bothered? Where is that coming from?”
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Welcome to The Journey: A series that shines a light on real people on their psychedelic journey. In this episode, I am interviewing my dear coaching client (and Ketamine Nurse Practitioner), Samantha Mlinar, about her psychedelic journey. She shares very generously about her fierce transformation over the last year.
Sam has cleared and transformed so many energy blocks around people pleasing, the inner critic, body image, mediocre wellness, and attachments to outcomes. She has been able to use psychedelics, coaching and other tools to move forward fiercely in her career, romantic relationship, friendships, and other areas.
The Psychedelic Path is all about discovering who you are and finding the tools that work for YOU. Sams journey of letting go of what wasn’t meant for her and opening up to new possibilities will inspire anyone who is feeling stuck.
Topics Covered:
How Sams religious upbringing set the stage for psychedelic exploration
Working through people pleasing and over-giving
Creating space for oneself to grow
Releasing black and white thinking and the need to be right
How to blend psychedelic experiences with coaching
Learning there are not quick fixes, rather to enjoy the process
Releasing attachment to outcomes and becoming the observer
Balancing a psychedelic lifestyle with other tools and life
Healing body image and wellness practices
Weening off Adderall with mushroom microdosing
Confronting the inner critic
“The fear is gone and I’m able to grow. I’m becoming the person that I think I’ve always been supposed to be. I’ve gotten there through coaching and working to really understand what I actually want.”
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LISTEN
“I’ve been able to take the pain from my religious trauma and utilize that to help me grow. It’s made me a lot less angry.”
Things Mentioned In This Episode:
Roll Kit (Neuro-protection for MDMA)
LANA for 10% off
The Surrender Experiment (book)
Wakeful Travel Microdosing Journal
MODERNPSYCH for 10% off
Where to find Sam:
Samantha is a Psychiatric Nurse practitioner working in substance use detox and psychedelic assisted psychotherapy. Samantha has a growing passion for yoga.
Looking for a professional coach to support you on your psychedelic path?
Look no further! Along with being the host of the Modern Psychedelics Podcast, Lana is a 3x certified professional coach who works with people on the psychedelic path.
Podcast Transcipt
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Lana Pribic: [00:00:00] I'm so excited to be sitting here with my dear coaching client, who I've been working with for almost a year now. Samantha or Sam, welcome.
Sam: Thank you.
Lana Pribic: Yeah, and you're also a listener of the show, which is super cool cause now you're on it.
Sam: Yes. This is very cool.
Lana Pribic: I'm so excited to take this journey with you today to reflect on your journey. We've had such an intense and beautiful coaching relationship. Like we've cried together so many times. You've made me cry so many times. I've really seen you through so much and I'm excited to share your story with listeners.
I think you have just such an inspiring spirit that we are gonna shine some light on today. I just wanna start with what do you wanna share with the listeners about who you are, where you came from, anything like from your upbringing or past that can help us understand who [00:01:00] you are?
Sam: Yeah, so I'm a nurse practitioner and I work in substance use and detox, and I also work in ketamine assisted psychotherapy. So I am just getting into my career. I'm loving it and just growing along the way. And one Lana's been a huge help in a lot of that. And about my upbringing and who I am and what's made me who I am.
I was raised in a very religious church and environment. I went to a school. It was a Pentecostal school and I think that's played a huge part in what's brought me to this point. And it was a lot, it was a lot of church and a lot of fear. Just a lot of fear of going to hell and just this weight that I carried for a very long time.
And what finally got me to the next stage in my life was actually psychedelics. I took some mushrooms [00:02:00] with a friend in their living room and the three of us just sat there and saw things start moving. And it was just this beautiful experience that opened my eyes to the fact that there's just more out there for me.
And as I. Grew with that, a little bit of recreational use and some medicinal use, if you will. And I've come to a place now where that fear is gone and I'm able to grow and I'm becoming the person that I think I've always been supposed to be. So that's, it's really exciting. And I think the next step that I've been taking is I'm gonna be certified in yoga here soon.
So that's the next step for me. And it feels, it just feels right. And I think how I've gotten there is honestly through coaching and working over the last year to really understand what I actually want and to get to that place has been a really beautiful experience.
Lana Pribic: I think so many people listening can relate to [00:03:00] the idea of being brought up in a certain way, whether it's like in a religion or just with certain values, and then taking psychedelics and opening up to just a whole world of possibilities. It's so wild that you're doing your yoga teacher training soon because when we first started working together, one of your main motivations for coaching was to live a balanced and healthy lifestyle that involves movement. So it's June, 2023. We've been working together for almost a year. When you reached out to me in August, 2022, where were you at and what was pulling you towards coaching?
Sam: Yeah I was in a place where I was in a lot of pain. I, this, my story kind of goes back to October of 2020 and just where my life was at. I lost a really close friend. I started a new relationship and [00:04:00] just going through those two big life changes at the same time brought me to this place where I was just really sad and also really happy.
And how to deal with both of those things at the same time was really hard for me. Cause I was also in so much pain from the loss and. I became a really angry person, and I think there was a lot of anger inside of me for a long time, but I didn't really notice it until then. I guess it didn't really surface for me until that point.
And my partner also was the one who brought it up and it helped me see that it was a bigger issue than I probably realized and that it was how much was under there. So spent a year partying, going out all the time, numbing, just trying to not sit with the pain of what I was going through. And I was also in a really.
Terrible job that I was stressed out all the time from, and eventually my partner said something needs to happen. I think [00:05:00] you need therapy. And I really couldn't afford it at the time. So that may, I had this experience, me and my partner and some friends went to EDC in Las Vegas and it was supposed to be the time of our lives.
And just the culmination of partying and just how everything went, I went off the deep end and was really mean to him. And I finally realized I had to do something because I was in love with this person and how could I be so mean to somebody that I loved? And I tried regular therapy, talk therapy, C B T, and it was nice.
It was. Somewhat helpful. It was nice to just talk to somebody. And finally I realized that wasn't helping as much and I went on Google and I typed in psychedelic life coach and Lana is what I found. And honestly, it's, I didn't spend a ton of time thinking about it. I just was like, I want to check this out.
What is this? And we talked and I felt like we connected [00:06:00] and I didn't know what to expect. I thought it was gonna be like 12 weeks and I was gonna be better and I was not better in 12 weeks. But it was the start of this beautiful relationship and where we've come to this point, like I it's been absolutely amazing and it took a lot to get to where I am now because yeah, there was a lot sitting under there that I was just ignoring and numbing and
Lana Pribic: Yeah.
Sam: yeah, it feels really good to be at this spot now.
So thank you.
Lana Pribic: Watching you has been like watching a flower blossom, literally. It's been so beautiful and I love your story because it really points to that idea of, what's that quote by Michael Le Singer in the book that we love? The Surrender Experiment. He talks about this idea that like pain is inevitable, but it's up to us to use it as a point of transformation.
And you are at a point where you. We're in a lot of pain, but you decided to use that for the thing that fueled your [00:07:00] transformation rather than the thing that, that you sink. I vividly remember speaking to you that first day
and I remember one thing that really stood out to me compared to now is you were energetically drained. You just you could see it on your face, you could hear it in your voice. You were energetically drained. And one of the first things we went to work together was that level four energy around people pleasing.
Do you remember that?
Sam: absolutely.
Lana Pribic: Yeah. We worked through so much together, like we've done work in career development , your romantic relationship, friendships childhood wounding, health and wellness, the home body image, self-worth. But the first thing was really this, like over giving of your energy to others, to the point where it was draining you.
I think a lot of people have that tendency to over give to the point where they're just zapped and it just creates a bunch of [00:08:00] problems. Can you tell people a little bit about what that journey has been like for you? Of learning how to give in a different way?
Sam: I was actually thinking about this the other day, and that has really been a huge change for me because, I think my mom is the same way, and that's probably where I learned it from. And always give. And she would do anything for me. And it taught me to be the same way, but it also brought me to this place where I was always giving, I was planning every party for every birthday, for all my friends and going to all these things.
I had something every weekend. And it's a way, it was almost a way to distract me, I think, at times. But I also wanted to give, and it made me feel good to do those things, but it also brought me to a place where when maybe I didn't feel appreciated enough or I felt overstretched, and I almost expected people to understand that without me saying it.
[00:09:00] And obviously no one can read my mind. So it got me to this place where then I was getting frustrated at my friends or frustrated at other people. And that's just not how I want to give or and really how I want people to receive from me. Because if I'm giving from an empty cup, it's not even, it's not fully giving in my opinion for myself.
So I think the transformation I've made is how to create these boundaries. What do I have within me? And it could change from day to day, week to week, month to month. What do I have in this moment to give? And if I can't do that, How do I just be honest with somebody and say, I don't have the energy for that right now, or I only have the energy for part of this, and I'm happy to help with what I can.
But also learning how to ask for help too. That was a huge part. Like I always wanted to pretend that I was just fine and that I could do it all. And being able to say I [00:10:00] can't do it all was a huge step. And now I'm learning how to give from a place of authenticity. I think we talked about that after Adam's podcast, is that authentic giving and finding a way when my cup is full enough to then serve other people.
And I do that through my work and volunteer service, and I do it when I can, when I have the energy to do that. And it just feels so much better. I don't even know how to describe it other than it just feels, it feels right and it feels good.
Lana Pribic: It feels like actually what giving is supposed to feel like.
Sam: Yep.
Lana Pribic: talked about this early on where like when we're really giving from a place of wanting to give, it actually gives us energy rather than drains our energy because we get this like boost of energy from the fulfillment that we get from giving where when we're giving from a place of an empty cup, it's gonna drain our energy even more because we have like resentment, [00:11:00] frustration, and we actually uncovered this energy block through the Energy Leadership index assessment that we did first on, like we talked about that level four energy for you and like looking back on our journey together, that was really the first thing we had to address because that was the thing, like addressing that energy of people pleasing was the thing that allowed you to create space in your life for yourself to do the work that you wanted to do.
Sam: yep. I. A hundred percent agree.
Yeah.
Lana Pribic: yeah, that, I think that was like your first huge transformation or win. Can you share with people listening some of the other wins that you've had over the past year? Like you just got married and there's just so much. Can you share with people a little bit and we can all celebrate you.
Sam: Yeah. I think some of my really big wins were, yeah, learning how to create that space for myself. That's just something [00:12:00] I never have had. I think our zebra, my gremlin that we uncovered, that was a huge one for me. Zebra was my visualization of this black and white thinking that I tend to have. And I think part of that stemmed from my religious upbringing and just a lot of other events in my life.
And I always had to be right. That's just how I was. And it was really frustrating to not be right. And when I wasn't right and I realized that it was, it didn't make me feel very good either. So I needed to realize that there's a lot more colors in the world. And that was another huge thing for me.
And we did that in our first 12 weeks. So that was really cool.
Lana Pribic: Coming up again and again, which just shows like how deep this work is. And I think it came up for you in some psilocybin journeys as well, right? The zebra.
Sam: Yep. Yeah, it has come up all the time,
Lana Pribic: yeah. So for I, I just wanna.
Sam: yeah. Yeah.
Lana Pribic: [00:13:00] wanna pause for people who are like, what is a gremlin? That's just like something we refer to as we all have these like gremlins that it's that not enough voice.
We all have it. It just sounds a little different for each of us. So for you Sam, it was this idea of I have to be right and I will fight to be right even if it drains my energy, even if it harms my relationships, even if so on and so forth. Because that being right is the thing that gives me a sense of worthiness. You've really opened up to start exploring. Yeah. The color and the maybes and the, the difference between we've talked a lot about like universal truth versus what is your personal truth and like allowing people to have their own personal truths, right? And that doesn't have to impact your energy.
What are some of your other wins?
Sam: I was able to, yeah, you said get married. And that, I think even in itself was a journey to, [00:14:00] I was always afraid of that kind of commitment and to get myself to that place and find my person. And even as we approached the wedding, like we did a lot of work too, and I was just doing work on myself and trying to understand who I was and how to be a partner to somebody and how to accept somebody for who they are.
It's really hard when you always wanna be right to have a partner. So I had to learn a lot and I don't fight with my partner hardly ever anymore like that. That was, I think the, my biggest win that I've, as I've reflected on this, is I used to have these like crying spells or really difficult emotional battles with mainly my partner, cuz he's the closest one to me and.
I couldn't get out of it. I would, it would last sometimes two hours of just complete drain. And I haven't had that happen in I don't know how long. And [00:15:00] it just, I have so much more space. I have so much more like love and excitement for life because of that. Because I'm not, that energy isn't getting sucked out of me and I'm not the victim anymore.
Sometimes I still am cuz I'm human. But yeah, that it's really hard to live in that victim mentality. And it
Lana Pribic: Yeah.
Sam: makes you think a lot of people are out to get you when they're really not.
Lana Pribic: Yeah, and I love the grace that you've developed for yourself, like even in that micro moment right there yeah, I get into a victim state sometimes and I am a human still. Like you have developed so much grace and compassion and love for yourself. It's like a weight has been lifted. It's so beautiful.
Sam: It really has, life feels a lot lighter and I think that's what's so beautiful about this coaching journey is that's not what I thought I was coming to you for. I, [00:16:00] like I said, I thought I was gonna fix like my workout routine and fix my diet, like all these little things, which we've also worked on, but these like deep rooted changes that I'm making it, I've said this before too, like I can't go back now.
Like it's now that we've done this work and because we've taken the time to do it and it's not been rushed, I just know it's gonna last.
Lana Pribic: Yeah it is for sure. And it just, I know we've reflected on this together about like how the journey just builds and grows and you grow this is something I work on with a lot of people actually, is this like enjoying the journey and just like being there for the journey instead of the destination.
I actually pulled something from one of our sessions you had a session I was reading through our notes where you realized that the quick fixes weren't working for you [00:17:00] and you just like really took the pressure off of yourself and said I'm learning that taking my time works.
Can you talk to people a little bit about how you've been able to reframe that? Because again, I think people listening, especially on the psychedelic path, like those of us living the psychedelic life, like you and I when we first get into it, we're like, oh my God, there's like this magic pill that can just fix all my problems and it'll just happen.
And obviously that's not how it works. So yeah. What have you learned and how have you been able to really just lean into the journey of it all and enjoy it cuz you do enjoy it?
Sam: Yes. Yeah, that is, that's been another huge part of this for me. I think what I was doing at the beginning of coaching was I was like, okay, I've got these 12 weeks, I'm gonna make all these changes. And I planned a psilocybin journey at the end of it, and Man, that journey taught me a lot about [00:18:00] the journey and just about how there are no quick fixes because it was a really difficult ceremony for me.
And I think one piece that was super helpful with having you there for me to help prep was I started getting really bad anxiety the week leading up to the journey. I was planning on taking three and a half grams and it, I don't know, I was just terrified of it. And I was like, am I really ready for this?
And I reached out and you sent me a couple questions, just things to think about, and I realized that I was trying to take way higher of a dose than I was actually ready for in my mind. And I don't know what it was, but my body was just telling me like, this is not, you're not ready for that. And I backed off on what I was gonna take and I still had an a, a very intense experience, and it was, Plenty enough.
And I think that's one thing that's been really helpful and why I would always encourage you to have someone [00:19:00] to prep with and work with as a coach, is to be able to go through those things with you and evaluate what you're about to do. Because just doing it by yourself I don't know that I would've actually figured out that's what I was afraid of.
And so the experience was very enlightening. I thought it was gonna be my quick fix at the end of the 12 weeks, and my whole life was gonna be different. And the mushrooms just took me to this place of like pure silence. I just sat with myself in silence for about four hours and I just laid there and I didn't have a single thought and I've never experienced something like that before.
And I came out of it just realizing that I need space, wow. You just need to slow down and have space and nourish your body and be kinder to yourself. And Lana was there to integrate it with me. And I just [00:20:00] realized even after that experience, that still wasn't it. I still wasn't fixed because there really isn't a fix.
It's the journey of life. That's what this is about. And
Lana Pribic: nothing to fix,
Sam: Yeah, exactly. And that is, yes, a hundred percent. Yeah. And once I realized that, it was like, okay, so this is actually just about learning and be being human and growing and experiencing all these things. Like I lived a lot of my life in this.
Like I'll do it tomorrow. I'll start my workout routine on Monday. I'll do this X, Y, and Z when, and. Now I've just learned be present. Like you only get today. Your body is different even on a cellular level, minute to minute. So why would I get stuck on feeling like I need to fix something because there's it's just life.
Lana Pribic: It's [00:21:00] always so beautiful to see people lean into the journey, cuz that truly is where the magic is. And I think that's one of my guiding principles as a coach for people is like, ugh, just enjoy this. Even those moments that are really fucking hard cuz let's not paint people a picture that it's been all like super easy and linear.
Cuz it hasn't, like there's been weeks where you come to a session and you're like excited and lit up and energized and then the following week you're like, yeah, it's been a crappy day. And actually that's a good point. What are you learning about your, what we call like the energetic stress reaction, the amount of time that you spend.
In stress and feeling that like stressful energy of anger and frustration and resentment and your ability to like navigate stress in your life and weave in and out of it, what have you noticed about that?[00:22:00]
Sam: Yeah, I think it's been super helpful to learn about this observer part, like how to step back and become the observer of what's happening around you. And what I notice in myself now, and I don't even know that I made an active change to do this, it just start, started happening when we, as we worked on things and as time went on.
But I notice I'm able to just. Pause and see what's happening around me. And we use the term detached involvement a lot, which is this idea I'll try to explain it, but it's this idea of not taking things personally. Understanding that you can care about something, but the outcome, getting attached to the outcome is where you'll tend to struggle.
And I was very outcomes oriented before and recognizing that no matter what the outcome is, that's what's supposed to be and trying to control it all that does is cause me pain and anxiety and frustration. And [00:23:00] so recognizing that I can give something my energy and my full energy, but also understand that I don't have control, it's been really freeing, I think is the best word to describe it.
It feels a lot more free.
Lana Pribic: It's true that you only have control of something up to the point that. You can choose how you want to react to it or how you want to respond to it, or what you want to do about it, but like how people receive that or how the outcome turns out is beyond you. So when we use something like detached involvement, a simple tool that they actually taught me as a coach when I was training, they were like, you need to practice this with your clients, right? You can only control how you show up in the session. You know how much energy you give to the session, like who you are during that session, but after the session's over, like the client is responsible for themselves.
So I'm so happy you were able to take this tool [00:24:00] and practice it in not just your relationships with people, but also at work in the
Sam: Yeah, that's been huge at work. Very cuz I care a lot about my job and getting so attached is, it's really difficult then and it just causes a lot of yuckiness when you get stuck in that.
Lana Pribic: and it's a disservice to others too, because once we start thinking that we have control over another person, then we're actually taking some of their power away and we're saying like, maybe you need me to do this or whatever, but it's such a disservice to everyone. So these are some of those like little energetic nuances.
Obviously, I'm such a proponent of mixing core energy or the seven levels of energy with psychedelics. Can you tell people how you understand the seven levels of energy or core energy and how you've been able to [00:25:00] apply it to your life? Along with psychedelics, how have you wove them together?
Sam: Yeah, I think. One piece is the stress reaction and kind of understanding that part. You've got your catabolic levels of energy and I spent a lot of time in those, which is like victim anger. And you can also use anger to your benefit. I've done some work with somatic experiencing in the last couple months as well in therapy.
And I've actually learned how to channel my anger into a way that allows me to look at a situation and understand why I'm angry. So understanding the positives and negatives of those levels cuz they can be beneficial. And then moving up into the anabolic levels of energy. There's all these points of, you win, I win, we both win, and so on and so forth.
And this observer level where you can really just look at everything and decide how you want to respond to something. Decide if [00:26:00] I, is it time to respond with anger? Is it time to respond with compassion? And we all win? And yeah, it's been, it's actually fun to sit and think about it when I'm in a stressful situation, how do I wanna respond to it?
Sometimes I even pull up the little chart to look at it and say okay, this is a situation where we can all win, or where I feel like we can, and then I try to do it. So that's, it's been super helpful and to just understand through the assessment that we did, understanding where I operate from, and it's helpful to just know that, that way you can.
Decide how you want to approach things moving forward and with, I think with psychedelics, it allowed me to see some of these insights a little bit differently. Helping me pause afterwards. I think psychedelics have also given me a little bit of that space because as I'm integrating things, I'm thinking [00:27:00] about how I wanna respond to things I'm thinking about. I had a psilocybin experience with a close friend of mine working on connection, and the experience itself was like not connected at all.
And then after the experience I was realizing how we can be connected, but we don't have to be codependent on each other anymore. And that was so huge for me because this is my, basically my sister and. It was also really hard to sit with as well. And I've been able to actually teach her some things about the levels of energy and
Lana Pribic: Really
Sam: at that.
Yeah. Yes. I actually sent her the chart and she's oh, I wanna learn more about this level five energy.
Lana Pribic: Five.
Sam: And it's been really cool to just grow with her and, you think you're going into something to achieve one thing and then we end up taking mushrooms and up talking about levels of energy together.
So it all, just because it's all become a part of [00:28:00] me, I just can't help but sharing it with people.
Lana Pribic: yeah. I love that you've like really leaned into the work like so beautifully and gained momentum over time in such a beautiful way.
Sam: Thank you.
Lana Pribic: How have you been balancing this like psychedelic life with everything else going on and making it a part of your lifestyle and not weaving all of these like insights and lessons into the everyday.
Sam: Oh yeah, it's
I think I've been able to take some of these insights from psychedelics about just pausing and learning that life is the journey and We just read, oh, that book the Surrender Experiment. That's been something that I've been using recently and has been a huge factor in my life and integrating that.
I think just taking the time to read new books and have new insights about [00:29:00] things and getting to take every little thing that I'm learning, things I'm learning from coaching, things I'm learning from my psychedelic experiences. Things I even learned from my work.
I work in a trauma-based facility, and all of that coming together, then I get to decide how I wanna use those tools for my life. And I think psychedelics led me into yoga and that has been huge for me. I think before when we first started coaching, that was one thing I wasn't working out at all.
And I used to be a CrossFitter and I was always in the gym. And then I just stopped doing everything because I literally did not have the energy to do it anymore. I wasn't, I was eating like crap. I wasn't working out. And that was something I've really been trying to work towards. And then I found this amazing yoga studio that also, teaches Buddhist teachings.
And I've really [00:30:00] started to resonate with that and I. It's given me a little bit more purpose and direction. And that book we were reading, the Surrender Experiment, he talks a lot about that. And what's been really cool for me is I see how the religious part of my life has actually given me the ability to understand and accept different concepts that say if I was raised atheist or things that, that might be really hard for me to conceptualize or understand.
So another really beautiful thing is like taking the pain that I had from this religious trauma and how I've been able to utilize that to help me grow in a way that feels right for me. And it's made me a lot less angry. And that's been huge, is letting go of anger. That's really important for me.
Lana Pribic: yeah. Beautiful. And I feel like it would be a shame not to highlight the like, [00:31:00] Body image part of your journey that we've been on, because there was a point where we uncovered something and it was starting to get into a therapeutic conversation that needed to happen, which is not my area of expertise.
So you actually went and worked with a somatic experiencing therapist for some time. I love having you on the show because you have tried out and utilized so many tools and that's perfect because psychedelics are not meant to be our only tool, and we're allowed to find this blend, this synergy, this mix that works for who we are in this moment.
Can you tell listeners a little bit about what it was like to work with a coach and a therapist and what you've been. Yeah, working through. When it relates to the body image stuff, anything you feel like [00:32:00] sharing? Cause I think you've come to such a beautiful place after the wedding photos that you shared.
Sam: Yes I, last year I just went through
Lana Pribic: I.
Sam: a really stressful just period at work, and I don't even know if that was the trigger for this, but I would, I guess I could say I developed milder eating disorder. And I. I just stopped eating. It wasn't like a super conscious thought. I just wasn't hungry and I just would choose not to eat.
And I was vaping nicotine at the time, and I would almost use that as a way to curb my appetite. And I wasn't to be skinny. But at the same time, then I all of a sudden started getting this like external validation. Everyone was like, oh wow, you look great. Wow, you've lost weight. And it validated that for me.
And all of a sudden I'm like, oh wow. Like I am losing weight. Wow. Maybe I should keep doing this. And [00:33:00] I had this very irrational fear that if I started eating again, that I would blow up like a balloon. And that I think those were the words I said, and I was just, it was irrational and I brought it to you.
And in this moment of because I'm not eating, I don't have the energy to physically do things, which is leading me to more freezing and stuckness. And I like, I couldn't move forward. And that's what I think is really beautiful about this work and the psychedelics. Cuz I had my mushroom experience about a month before we got to this.
And in that experience I had the message that I needed to take care and nourish my body and I wasn't doing it. And I think this also speaks to the integration journey, like it always is continuing. And so a month later I, we had that conversation and I was talking about how I was terrified cuz I was getting married in a few months that I was gonna be, you know, not look great in my photos.
[00:34:00] And one thing you said to me that has still stuck with me was, how do you wanna feel when you look back at those photos? How do you wanna remember how you felt in that moment? And I just broke down, I think because. I was like, yeah, I'm in pain right now. And I don't think that's what I wanna look back at.
I don't wanna th look at those photos and say, I starved myself to look good in a photo. And I finally just let it go. And that's when I realized I was not in touch with my body whatsoever. I didn't know how to feel things like everything was cognitive emotions. Like I didn't know how to just feel. I didn't know what, like a, how to make it a sensation, like how to think of feelings as sensations.
It was always just thoughts and ruminative thoughts. And so I sought out somatic experiencing therapy because Lana also encouraged me to do that, which I can't thank you enough. And that was huge for you to be able to say I want to [00:35:00] hold space for you. And you did an amazing job holding that space and but also encouraging me to seek that help.
And I did. And. Just wow. The synergy of that with the psychedelics, it all just really came together and I started to feel things again, and I started to understand my body in a better way, and I started eating again, and it wasn't like, I consciously was like, okay, I'm going to eat these things. It just the, I don't know what it was, but this desire to not eat or not being hungry just went away, and I think that was probably some anxiety and just all of the things that I was sitting with when it started to lift, when it was so blaring right in front of my face, I couldn't not address it anymore.
Lana Pribic: Yeah.
Sam: I got to that spot and I had to do something, and it's been a journey, but now I just, I feel so much better. I have the energy to do things because I'm eating [00:36:00] and because I know, understand my body and I understand how to feel it in a different way.
Lana Pribic: Yeah. And even doing yoga, it's mindful movement where you are very connected to your body. So I think the fact that you're doing yoga right now and doing your yoga teacher training speaks volumes to how connected you are to your body. Cuz you can't really do yoga without being connected to your body.
Sam: No.
Lana Pribic: Yeah. That's been so beautiful to watch you learn to love everything that you already are. Like, it's been so incredible and you sent me photos of your wedding and you looked radiant. So beautiful. Not because of like your body is beautiful, but it wasn't because of that. It was because like you were just so happy and I could see that you just looked in love and happy I.
Sam: And that's exactly how I felt and that's why I was so excited to share the photos and [00:37:00] it, I was so present for it. Me and my husband, we went to Vegas in Eloped and it was just the two of us and we had so much fun and I was so present with him and it was exactly what we both wanted. And yeah, I looked at every single photo and all I could see was our happy faces.
And
That's, I think what's been so amazing for me is like I don't even see my body as big or small or one way or the other. And I think we spent a lot of time working through that too, like how to reframe that. And I just see my body as something that I wanna nourish and this is what I was born with.
And That's who I am and loving. That has been really great for me.
Lana Pribic: Yeah. Exactly, and it's like easy to reframe something like, to just think about it in a different way, but to like truly feel that reframe and to feel like, to feel the energy of that reframe and to release the energy of the old way of looking at it. And that's something that you've [00:38:00] been able to do so beautifully.
Sam: Thank you. Yeah, it's, I never knew you could feel things like this before and Yeah. To feel a change is just,
It's super powerful and I, that's what like, makes it stick. It's not just like we talked through something and Yeah, I wanna feel good and I'm gonna do this and this to feel good. It's like I actively took the time to integrate that into my life.
And it didn't happen overnight. This was couple months of going back and forth and continuously learning and taking the time and. I think that's been a huge thing for me that I've learned is quick fixes aren't the way to go and it just doesn't work. At least not for me. But yeah, that I have to take no, that this is how I keep things and how they stick for me is by taking the time to really integrate it and
Lana Pribic: Yeah.
Sam: just not expect it to move fast and to learn to sit [00:39:00] with the ups and downs.
I think just our last coaching session, I came to you and I was down again and like I just had a month of a lot of events and parties and I was like, I am just worn out and I feel very uncentered and I don't know what it is. And we worked through it and I think that's what's also really helpful is you already know me, so we're able to easily turn things around and.
Get down to the nitty gritty of what needs to be addressed and how can I move forward?
Lana Pribic: Yeah. Yeah. I think people listening really need to hear someone other than me say this message around, things take time. Things take time. And that's perfectly okay. It's just this like idea that we have around how fast things should take. That actually prolongs the. Process and that prolongs us from getting present to what's currently happening for [00:40:00] us.
Can we talk a little bit about micro dosing and your journey with that?
Sam: Yeah.
Lana Pribic: Yeah. Tell us how that's been for you, how you've been using that as a tool.
Sam: Yeah, so I joined the Flow formula group that was, I think, started back in March with Lana and Jenny and it was so amazing. So I would highly recommend doing that if you have any interest in learning how to microdose, learning how to integrate microdosing, which is probably more about what that class was than anything cuz it was so helpful in so many ways.
And I went into it wanting to learn how to microdose, learn how to flow a little bit more in my life and to connect with the mushroom. And I definitely felt like that happened for me because in the past, if I microdosed it was like on a Saturday, I'd take a, microdose and. I dunno, it was just very [00:41:00] sporadic.
I had no protocol and even if I tried a protocol, I fell off of it. And the one thing for me that really tied it together was the journaling. So the Wakefield Travel Journal was incredibly helpful. Just taking the time to write about how I felt in the morning. I think one thing that I realized was I tend to snack at night and I was waking up every morning with a stomach ache and I'm like, okay, I'm writing about how I feel physically.
I have a stomach ache every day. Why do I have a stomach ache every day? And I'm like, wow. It's because of what I'm eating before I go to bed. And that's just journaling daily and taking the time to do a little bit of self-assessment. So that was huge for me. And then I think the microdosing, because it's such a small amount and you don't really like.
Feel it. It's hard to see it while it's happening, but when it was over, I did realize how much it had helped [00:42:00] me and how more connect, how much more connected I actually felt to the mushroom. And I don't exactly know how to describe it, but I just felt like I understood the creativity behind the mushrooms that I was searching for and just this flow that I needed.
And I was spending more time out in nature and things just felt really good. And I just felt like I had this better understanding of how to utilize some, how to utilize that particular substance for say, wanting to be more creative and growing in that way. And maybe using L S D when for more If you're wanting to do something that's a little bit more stimulating or for work or something like that.
This was super helpful for me because I'd actually been prescribed Adderall for about 10 years and I finally was like, I have to stop this. Like it's not serving me. It probably makes my anxiety worse. So I [00:43:00] stopped it and then when we did the microdosing, I decided to go with the mushrooms so that I wouldn't have a stimulating substance on board.
And wow. Like it was the, one of the first times I really felt like I just flowed in my daily life in a fun, creative way. So that was really cool and it just helped me, the insights. I think that's the other really big piece. When I would journal at the end of the week or even in the middle of the week if something came to me.
These just beautiful insights that were coming was, it definitely felt like it was attributed to our group environment, the microdosing, the journaling, it just, I was always in this really good flow and it's definitely something I will do again for sure.
Marker
Lana Pribic: yeah. It was so fun having you and you got triggered in Jenny's class. Do you wanna share a little bit about that? Because, okay, this is a good example of leaning in, doing the work, having [00:44:00] self-awareness and like choosing. How you want to respond to your reaction. So can you tell people a little bit about that?
Sam: yes. So Jenny taught this class on nutrition and you know how to take care of your body and I have some background in nutrition. I'm a nurse practitioner and just, I do work with food and diet and stuff and I did not have the greatest dietary practices at the time of the program, and I was still struggling with how to nourish my body with.
Like foods that were nourishing. I was eating more, but I was still eating junk food, ordering out more. And Jenny just was talking about all these things and how to have a good practice that to take care of yourself and your health. And I got like super irritated. I was like, I already know this stuff and I don't need that.
I don't need supplements. Like [00:45:00] just, it was, yeah, there was a lot of negative talk in my head and I sat through the class and afterwards I was like, ah, I just like still feel annoyed about this. Should I talk to Lana? What should I do? And I ended up just sitting with it for a while and I realized I felt super triggered because she was right.
What she was talking about were all things that I needed to take the time to actually sit down and. Read and listen to again, and try to integrate some of those practices into my life. And I was triggered because I like that part. There was a part of me that was like, I don't wanna do that. And so it made me angry and that part became at the forefront.
But I was able to pause, create that space, say, okay, what's really going on here? Because when you're angry, it's often saying something about, what's going on inside? And I was able to come to Lana and Jenny and tell them about it and [00:46:00] just say, wow, thank you for just having that class and for triggering me because it was another wake up call about what I needed to do with my diet and just how to nourish myself again.
Lana Pribic: Beautiful. Thank you for sharing that vulnerably with us and yeah, that's like such a testament to. Like taking everything as an opportunity to learn more about yourself instead of projecting this on someone else, or you know, blaming someone else for how you feel. You took accountability and ownership for how you feel, and that's why we commended you for it.
That's why we were laughing. That's why Jenny didn't take it seriously at all. Like she was not offended at all because she was just like, fuck yeah, you're doing the work. That is literally doing the work.
Sam: Yeah, it was definitely like a hard pill to swallow when I realized that it was my own, it was me. And
Lana Pribic: yeah,
Sam: being [00:47:00] able to admit that is hard. And that is one thing that I can appreciate about myself and. What I would say helps me the most is that ability to be very honest and to say okay, what's really going on here?
Because I am the one in the driver's seat of my life, and if I'm triggered by something, why? The way I see it is , someone else might not be bothered by this, and so why am I so bothered? Like we, we just, we like to be bothered by things sometimes and understanding, being able to take a step back and be like, when I'm bothered, what is that? Where is that coming from?
It's life changing and allows you to connect with people a lot more easy and live your life a lot more freely.
Lana Pribic: Yeah, that's because it starts with you connecting with yourself more deeply, like understanding yourself and where your reaction is coming from within you more deeply. I wanna end on something that you've been working on more recently. [00:48:00] This is crazy and this is why I love life coaching cuz we just hit it all, we go all over the place and it's all connected.
But I think this is gonna tie it together really well. That inner critic that you've been working on lately and that voice that we all have. So I think this is gonna be helpful for people. Can you tell people about Yeah. How you've been able to recognize and bring awareness to that inner critic? Start confronting it and like changing the relationship with it.
Sam: Totally. Yeah, this has been another huge thing for me. I feel like they've all been huge, but this has been really important to me recently. And what started the conversation within myself was the book, the Surrender Experiment, and. It talks about, how he started noticing this voice and how meditation helped him kinda become free of that, which is also sort of what led me into this yoga and meditation practice that I now have.
But yeah, I started to really [00:49:00] notice that voice in my own head and how it was often just looking at things, glass half empty negativity is how I described it. And the way I like to visualize things. And I was visualizing it as this man in the back of my head that was just taking up all this space and everything was just negative.
And what also helped me realize it was my partner had said something to me like, I feel like you always see the bad things that I do and you don't really recognize, like when I do something loving and kind for you. And I was like, shit, like that sounds really unfortunate for you to have to feel that way.
Okay, let's think about this. And I started to start paying attention to that voice and my negative opinions. The just down sided thinking that I was doing all the time. And so I decided to start doing something about it. And one of the things that I was doing was working, I started going to the [00:50:00] yoga studio and working with meditation and just trying to clear that and oh, the really big thing that I did.
So flow formula, we talked about breath work and I found this breath work practitioner near me that did a transformational breath work session. And all week I had been journaling. This is just how the universe sometimes. It just all comes together because all week I had been journaling about this voice, like why is it there?
Where is it coming from? Why is it always, why is it always so negative? And I had scheduled this transformational breath work session on I think a Friday, and I had no idea what it was about. I, we had done a little bit of breathwork and flow formula, so I'm like, okay this should be good. And I go, and holy cow, it changed so much for me.
I brought that to the table, this negative voice in my head. And I, that was my intention. And the [00:51:00] session was really hard for me. It was super, super hard. I wanted to leave the entire time I decided to stick through it, and at the end I was completely drained. I actually went home and purged.
It was so much for me and. I didn't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing, cuz I just, I felt terrible when I got home. But I woke up the next morning and let me tell you, it was the first time I didn't have a single thought. I had no voice in my head talking to me. And I even sat on the side of my bed and I'm like, okay, where is it?
Like, where's that voice? And it just wasn't there. It was such a quiet day for me. And Wow. To be free of that was like, okay, all right, this is a really cool thing and I need to keep pursuing this and integrating it and yeah, doing the journaling and the breath work and just paying attention to it and doing something about it has been really powerful for me.
Lana Pribic: yeah. [00:52:00] Yeah. And it just each step builds on the next one. Like the first step is really having the awareness around it. And then, what happened in that breath work class that, what happened for you?
Sam: With breath work and this type of breath work, the way that, the instructor explained it is it's not like therapy where you're gonna talk about it like you're doing the breath work and it's, your traumas and all that information gets sort in your body and the cells and as you do the breath work, it is work, but it's bringing things up for you so you don't have to cognitively really think about it.
It's ju it's like psychedelics actually. She talks about that the three ways to like access theta waves or um, hypnosis, breath work and psychedelics. And The, like you doing the work the gas exchanges, everything that's happening inside of you is just taking over and doing that work to bring it to the service surface, to activate that sympathetic nervous system, your fight flight.
And then at the end you learn how to rest and digest. You activate the [00:53:00] parasympathetic, you slow the breathing down and teaching your body that you can take that trauma and recover from it and slow it down. And for me, I think a lot of that negativity came from just my, the way that I sometimes live with anxiety.
Like I'm al thinking about things, worrying about things and having these negative preferences was just kind of part of me for a while. And whatever was inside of me that was holding onto that somehow let go in that session. I don't exactly know how, but I think that's what happened.
Lana Pribic: yeah. It's not for the mind to even know. And sometimes we wanna know exactly what happened or exactly what that block is, and sometimes it's okay to just release it like in an ICA ceremony where you just purge it out and you don't even know what it was, but you feel different the next day.
Sam: Yes.
Lana Pribic: Amazing. Sam, thank you so much for sharing everything that you have today. It was so generous of you to share your journey with people.
Sam: Thank you. It's been a [00:54:00] pleasure.
Lana Pribic: Yeah. Aw, I love you. You're so sweet and aw. It's honestly just been so beautiful. I feel really honored to walk alongside you on your journey, and I can't wait to see what's in store for you, what you have in store for yourself.
Sam: Thank you. Yes, and you have been such an amazing and integral part of my journey and I can't thank you enough. Yes,
Lana Pribic: this is how we always end up crying in our sessions.
Sam: yes.
Lana Pribic: So I know you're quite a private person online, I think, but can people get in touch with you if they want? Can they follow you on Instagram? I don't even follow you. Can I follow you?
Sam: Yes. Yeah, I think it's a private page, but I'm happy to accept people. But it's Sam, s a m r a d 21. Cuz I'm rad not my last name.
Lana Pribic: Yes, you are Cool. Yeah. So if people wanna get in touch with [00:55:00] you, they can through Instagram. Anything else that you wanna share and leave people with?
Sam: I don't think so. Yeah, I think that's probably the only online thing I have. Actually. I'm not super on the internet, but
Lana Pribic: good.
Sam: Okay.
Lana Pribic: I'm trying to be less and less on the internet. Podcasts. Don't count.
Sam: it's tough sometimes.
Lana Pribic: It is. Thank you so much for taking the time to share with us today. Thank you for doing your work and doing it so beautifully and for continuing to lean in. I keep saying that word, but you've like really leaned into all of it, including yourself.
The most important part.
Sam: Thank you. And thank you for being there to witness and hold space along the way.
Lana Pribic: Of course. Biggest pleasure, and I'll see you tomorrow for a session.
Sam: Yep. Yes. See you tomorrow.
Lana Pribic: Thanks for listening, everyone. Bye.
