128 | Stop Healing, Start Integrating: The One Shift That Changes Everything
“Healing is seeking. Integration is seeing.”
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In this solo episode, we’re discussing a core insight from my own medicine path: the crucial energetic difference between healing and integration.
After years of ceremonies, coaching, and personal exploration, I realized that the constant search for healing was actually keeping me stuck in an identity of being “broken.” It wasn’t until very recently that I fully understood that wholeness doesn’t come from fixing, but from integrating who you already are.
This episode is an invitation to shift from a “healing orientation” rooted in victimhood and fixing, into an “integration orientation” rooted in authenticity, creativity, and self-acceptance.
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Topics Covered:
The trap of the “healing identity” and how it can keep us stuck
My personal journey from Ayahuasca, to 5-MeO-DMT, to Iboga
Why integration is about seeing, not seeking
The difference between a healing orientation vs. an integration orientation
Self-acceptance as the foundation of wholeness
How reclaiming forgotten parts of ourselves—like play, creativity, and joy—is part of integration
Practical reflections for recognizing when you’re fixing vs. truly integrating
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Things Mentioned in This Episode
Show Links:
Iboga Integration & Prep Coaching (NEW-now enrolling)
Psychedelically Informed Life Coaching (6 Month Program)
About Lana Pribic:
Lana Pribic, M.Sc., is an ICF Professional Coach, co-founder of Kanna Wellness, and producer & host of the Modern Psychedelics Podcast. With over 230 hours of professional training and four coaching certifications, Lana specializes in psychedelically-informed coaching, guiding individuals through profound inner transformation. Based in Ontario, she merges the power of psychedelics, consciousness, and self-discovery to facilitate deeply impactful experiences. When she's not immersed in her work, you'll likely find her dancing to electronic beats, creating art in the kitchen, practicing patience with her cat, curating her dream wardrobe, or diving into a book.
Looking for a professional coach to support you on your psychedelic path?
Look no further! Along with being the host of the Modern Psychedelics Podcast, Lana is a 3x certified professional coach who works with people on the psychedelic path.
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Hello and welcome back to the Modern Psychedelics Podcast. I'm your host, Lana Peric, professional coach, working with people on the psychedelic path to prepare for, integrate, and really live the medicine path and all of the teachings that come along with it. So happy that you're joining me today, because today I think will mark a bit of a.
Capstone episode. I'm really excited about this topic today it's really something that has been developing and percolating and deepening in my awareness for many years, and it all came together for me recently, this idea of healing. Versus integrating. The moment when we stop healing and we start integrating is what I wanna talk to you guys about today, Have you ever asked yourself the question, what if my [00:01:00] healing work is keeping me stuck?
Or what if the way that I'm approaching my healing work is actually the thing that's keeping me stuck? And I think you'll find as we dive into this episode today that. Perhaps there is an orientation here that might be preventing you from really moving forward in your journey. So the reason I'm sharing this right now is because it's just, it's so relevant.
It's what I am living, it's what I am learning. It's what I am even seeing in. Clients, and this fits into the evolution of my whole healing journey because this past May, so just four months ago or so, I sat with Iboga for the second time where I got to that root core issue that I've been wanting to get to and integrating that healing that has taught me a lot about the process of what it takes to.
Be healed, [00:02:00] to be integrated and to really love and honor and respect oneself, especially if you have had a history of sabotaging yourself, not loving yourself. Outsourcing your power, outsourcing your decision making to everyone outside of you. So if you're really on that journey of self-discovery, self-love, self-actualization,
this episode is definitely gonna be for you. So we're gonna be talking about an inner orientation, a perspective, a consciousness, and these are kind of interchangeable to me. I think each one has its own flavor and offers a specific understanding of our inner landscape, but you'll hear me say inner orientation or your perspective or your consciousness.
What I really mean when I say this is it's the set of core beliefs that you have about yourself and life that. Influence the way that you show [00:03:00] up. So some of these beliefs that we have about ourselves and about life are often unconscious and the psychedelic state will illuminate what we can't see.
It'll bring these things to our awareness and then we kind of have to, yeah, look at it and see where it fits and what integrating a new orientation. Might look like. So let's get into the backstory. My healing era. This was, probably about the time that I was starting modern psychedelics where I started sharing about my journeys.
Even before that I kind of had the. Perfect. life on paper. I was in grad school, writing a thesis. I was, on a specific job path carved out for me. I was doing what was expected, but on the inside I was. I was really not well.
I was grieving the loss of a [00:04:00] friendship. I was doing drugs, partying. I was chasing emotionally unavailable men. I was numbing, I was really struggling with grad school, but it was like the biggest push of my life and I have not had children yet. Okay. So it was, it was a big.
Push because I really had to force myself to complete this degree. the way that I dealt with this misalignment was through, partying and the drugs and smoking cigarettes. I was overeating as well, and I was just not in a good state. That was the start of going to therapy, recognizing and sensing that something wasn't quite right, but I was just starting to dip my toe into this world of healing and personal development.
This was like, I would say 20 15, 20 16, 20 17, and then I fell in love. I started dating someone. A couple years later we broke up and the moment [00:05:00] that. Cracked everything open for me was when I realized that my sense of worthiness was totally dependent on this person. That my sense of self-worth had disappeared along with the relationship.
It took a lot for me to actually realize how unwell I was, but there was depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts. And after like two weeks of just like laying in bed and crying, obsessing over the breakup, I, booked a trip to Costa Rica. I went to an eco village, Pachamama, if any of you have been there, and I did yoga, I meditated, I ate vegetarian food.
You know, I did the thing that people do. When they're at the start of their healing journey, and this was really the start, and it was a good start. I had already been doing psychedelic drugs, recreationally for quite a while at this point. So psychedelic medicine, [00:06:00] plant medicine, it was lingering in my consciousness and.
I got to a point in therapy where I was like, I think I really do need to go a little bit deeper, and I started to use mushrooms first and then ayahuasca as an intentional healing. Practice for myself, and I'm not gonna go too deep into this 'cause I've told my story before. There's an episode somewhere, I'll link it down below on Spotify where I do share my story.
But today I actually wanna add a new layer because a lot has happened since I released that episode. So the trap of the healing identity began. Okay. I've talked about the healing trap before. It's that constant searching, that constant fixing, releasing, purging. Just always assuming that something was wrong with me and if I could just purge enough, if I could just release enough, if I [00:07:00] could just.
Let go of the things that didn't serve me. 'cause it's so easy, right? Uh, I would be healed and better and could move on with my life. But what I didn't realize at this time that I was actually operating from a belief, a deeply rooted, unconscious belief that I was broken and that there was something fundamentally wrong with me.
So it had been two, three years of a lot of Ayahuasca ceremonies, I think about 30 or so. And then Iboga found me, iboga entered my life, and it gave me a perspective that. I hadn't considered before It was like, you know, you're not broken. There's nothing to fix, and what you're really seeking is to integrate who you already are.
And Iboga, you know, it showed me my soul. I had this wonderful fun journey in space with my soul. I saw my grandmother. I really connected with [00:08:00] earth and nature and saw myself in nature, and it was a very beautiful healing experience for me. Where I really started the process of coming back to myself, but this iboga journey showed me some visions and things that I really wasn't ready to look at and I didn't fully understand until almost three years later in my second Iboga journey, and we'll get to that.
But. What I was starting to understand at this point was that it's not about seeking, it's about seeing, right? Seeing with my intuition, seeing the life that is already in front of me. There's no answers that I need to seek outside of myself. You know, iboga really showed me that all the answers are within, and this medicine really began to dissolve the healing identity, the victim identity, and I was learning that.
My job, my integration work going forward was to become more me. I reclaimed my cultural name. I used to go by [00:09:00] Lana and now I go by Lana. 'cause that's how you actually say my name. That was just the beginning. But what started shifting in my life after this was just more creativity, more play, more clarity.
I was deepening my work as a coach. I was just. Becoming a little bit more comfortable in my own skin. And again, this was honestly just the beginning. The second big shift was five M-E-O-D-M-T. This taught me to live from my heart to soften into love, to access that love and joy that is always within me as much as possible.
Right, and I was actively integrating five MEO for, I would say a year. And by actively integrating, I mean like trying to make sense of it and understanding how to really bring that infinite, unconditional love into this human life and like. Of course I'm still doing that, but there was a natural point where that integration felt like it had, you know, come to a bit of a close [00:10:00] as for the heavy lifting of it.
And then a year and a half later, I went back to Iboga round two. And this was the reckoning, this was the ceremony. This was like the thing that I had been trying to get to with my medicine work for the past six years. This was six years since I started drinking Ayahuasca. And I was. Faced with this very uncomfortable truth about myself, and what I discovered was this well of shame that I didn't allow myself to explore in a sober state.
It took a showdown with Iboga to really take me into and sit with and be with the shame. And the shame was subconsciously keeping me from seeing myself as whole because I was rejecting. Making myself wrong for a big piece of myself, and I honestly didn't fully understand myself until I saw [00:11:00] this one part of me, and it wasn't until very recently that I actually feel that I have become a whole integrated person, someone who has faced and slayed her deepest shadow
and really lured to love myself unconditionally. All of me. And that's really where the real integration began, right? It's where loving the shame being with it, not trying to release it, not making myself wrong for it, understanding why it's there.
That was it. And I sat with this four months after Iboga, and it wasn't until like A month or two ago that things really lightened up for me, but I didn't release my shame. I sat with it. I had to be with it until it naturally evolved and transformed into love, and I didn't shift my identity.
I accepted who I was at my core, and so I think now that I've [00:12:00] told my story a little bit, and by the way, I did make an Instagram post today that has a really beautiful 20 page carousel with like photos and more details. If you wanna learn more about this story in more detail, I will link it down below in the show notes, or you can just go to my Instagram.
Page, uh, modern psychedelics is the handle, and I will have it tagged there for you, but you can get like a breakdown in a visual and a more in-depth look into the story if you're interested, but. I wanna discuss the core concept here now, which is this idea of healing versus integrating. And look, I'm not here to discuss the semantics or the definitions or the meanings of these words, what I am interested in today.
Is looking at the energy, the consciousness, and the inner orientation that tends to come along with healing and with integration. Now, healing is the process of becoming whole, right? [00:13:00] A lot of people define it that way.
I also think that integration is a very specific flavor and phase of the overall healing journey, and there is a very specific consciousness that we adapt on the healing journey that can actually keep us from full integration. So. Our orientation, our perspective, our consciousness can get in the way of us healing and becoming whole.
If we fundamentally view ourselves as broken, then it's difficult to become whole because you fundamentally do not believe that you already are whole. This is how I viewed myself for like 34 years until just a couple of months ago, and I didn't even know it. And you know. this is all very sneaky, But integration is how we actually anchor in the wholeness that we are seeking through healing. Okay? Integration is how [00:14:00] we actually anchor in the wholeness that we are seeking through healing.
So looking at integration. Separately from healing or as a phase or as A fundamental process in the overall healing process helps us orient ourselves away from fixing and towards real healing. Okay. Because I think sometimes we use the word healing, but we actually mean fixing. And that doesn't serve us.
All. And I'm gonna explain to you guys why healing is not possible without integration, actually. So let's break this down very clearly and directly. I healing orientation is this core belief that I am broken and need to be fixed. And again, this.
Might be a way of viewing yourself in the world that you are actually not even fully aware of. You might even [00:15:00] be in denial about it. You might not even be able to see that in some way. You think, you feel, you know that you are broken, that you are not whole, that you need to be fixed, that there's something wrong with you.
Okay. And this is very, very natural and normal, and pretty much every single human walking around this planet has this type of like gremlin or core belief. But once we bring conscious awareness and attention to it, we can shift that into an integration orientation, which is. This idea that I already am whole, so how do I become more me, right?
I already am whole, but how do I actually integrate, bring in, live everything that I already am? Okay? That's the main difference. So a healing orientation says I am broken and need to be fixed, whereas an integration orientation [00:16:00] says I am whole. How do I become more me? healing orientation in the way that I'm speaking about it here today has a victim energy that underpins it.
This victim energy is one where we see ourselves as a victim to life, and that leads us to feel fear and shame and guilt. And it leads us to constantly seek for answers outside of ourselves. Why am I like this? What is wrong with me? How do I fix it? There's this force associated with it. There's this desperation, there's this grasping.
There's this controlling energy that is naturally there when our core belief is that I am broken and need to be fixed. Whereas an integration orientation has more of this creator energy. Because when we already see ourselves as whole, well then we can just create and live the way that we want to [00:17:00] live.
And so a healing orientation. Typically comes with the action of seeking externally for answers. Looking to ayahuasca, looking to your shamans, looking to your coach, looking to the books, looking to your fitness instructor, to the people that you follow online.
You know, they have the answers. They will tell you what to do. They'll tell you how to fix your life, right? Whereas. An integration orientation is more about seeing what is in front of you, seeing yourself clearly seeing the truth of who you are. It's about rooting into your internal truth and actually.
Organizing your life internally and externally with that truth. So healing is seeking integration is seeing, okay, I got that. That one from Iboga. Stop seeking. Start seeing. . A healing orientation is also this constant effort to change, to [00:18:00] maximize, to become better, to be more healed, to be more loving, trying efforting, forcing, grasping.
Controlling, right. This is all rooted in this idea that I am broken and I need to be fixed. And often if we don't even know that that's our inner orientation, that we actually view ourselves as broken and needing to be fixed. We will try to trick ourselves into believing.
That I am whole. I am worthy. I am complete. Look at all these things I'm doing. Look at all these ways that I'm taking care of myself. Look at my self love, look at my self-care, blah, blah, blah. But it feels like an effort. It feels like force. The energy behind it is not actually genuine. It's forced because it's trying to cover up this idea of brokenness.
'cause sometimes we don't even want to see ourselves as broken. then the integration orientation is. Deepening into authenticity. Really tuning into yourself. [00:19:00] Because you're whole, because you're worthy, because you're complete. You don't need to constantly try to be something that you are not. You just get to be yourself, and sometimes the integration work there is listening and then taking the steps or doing the action that is aligned with your authenticity, with your inner authority.
With that creator that you are, a healing orientation has an identity that's built on the pain. That you've experienced in the past or the past in general, where as an integration orientation is an identity built on authenticity and self-expression. self-expression becomes so much more easy when we are taking this integration.
Approach to life because self-expression, art, creativity simply become a way that you channel what's already inside of [00:20:00] you, or perhaps you channel what's already inside of you with an external piece of inspiration, and it becomes this whole new thing that only you could have created in the way that you created it, because it's infused with.
And so we get to start having a lot more fun and being a lot more creative and really understanding who we are and what we have to offer and how we can express that and bring that into the world. And lastly, a healing orientation. It's this mindset of if I fix this, I will be enough. If I'm just perfect, I will be enough If I can just, patch up the wounds.
I will be enough, whereas an integration orientation is I'm already enough and these past wounds and these past pains they don't mean anything about my worth. I'm already worthy as I am, but how can I live a more authentic life, a more integrated life? Where do we go from here?
So healing orientation, our energy is focused on [00:21:00] healing. Going to the ceremonies and reading the books and just feeling better. Whereas an integration orientation is living, being present, following your energy, leaning into your curiosity, and just bringing more of yourself and your truth into every moment and everything that you do.
So healing is often about action, whereas integration is about that inner orientation, that consciousness of worthiness and completeness. A note here on integration practices, meditation, journaling, breath work, cold plunging yoga, blah, blah, blah. This is not integration. These are integration practices that can support the process of.
Bringing your whole self forward, but often some of these things will feel forced, and I invite you to take an inventory [00:22:00] of the practices, rituals, routines, habits that you partake in. And to really do an inventory here of, am I integrating or am I fixing here? Am I going to this yoga class because I love yoga and it makes me feel good and I have an appreciation for it, and I feel amazing when I move my body in that way.
And it's supportive to me. Or are you approaching your yoga practice from this place of well. I have this identity as a yogi, and this identity as a yogi is someone who is spiritual and advanced and all of this stuff, and that's just a way for me to actually hide behind my own mask. That's just a way for me to create this mask of who I think I should be and who I think I would look like if I were truly whole and complete, rather than leaning into what's authentically true for you.
So true integration is a way of being. It's about how you relate to yourself in the mundane [00:23:00] moments outside of ceremony, right? It's about relating to yourself as whole worthy and complete as you are, shadows, wounds, mistakes and all. It all becomes a part of you. With this orientation now let's talk a little bit about wholeness and what it means to be whole and how we can reclaim wholeness, you know? I personally have been on a journey of self-acceptance and self-love for a long time. It's been really hard for me to get to this place. I've shared a lot about, you know, all the things that have been a challenge for me in this regard.
I've had a really hard time with, appearance and feeling beautiful and feeling worthy of friendship. And, the list goes on. But self-acceptance is really the foundation of wholeness. It's important to [00:24:00] really work on self-acceptance, radical self-acceptance. Because if we cannot accept ourselves as we are, we're not going to be able to see ourselves as whole, worthy and complete as we are.
And so self-acceptance is a journey. It's not a destination. And I wanna invite you to practice self-acceptance whenever possible. And the easiest way to do this, I think is. Noticing your judgments of yourself and really making a conscious pact with yourself to be like, I am going to be consciously aware of that voice in my head and the judgments that it's making.
Where am I telling myself I'm wrong? Where am I telling myself that I'm not enough? Where am I telling myself that I'm not worthy, deserving good enough, ready for. All of that, right? Those are the places and spaces where we can actually get to work and start [00:25:00] working on bringing that self-acceptance in.
As we practice self-acceptance, we are naturally integrating ourselves and becoming more whole. Anyone who is on a psychedelic integration journey is probably familiar with the concept of reclaiming parts of self. I just did a podcast episode a couple episodes back where I talked about how psychedelics helped me reclaim my love for things like fashion, photography, cooking, but they also helped me reconnect with my culture and my family.
Things like that. So if you're in like a reclamation phase, I definitely recommend checking that episode out. But where can you be more creative? Where can you be more sensual? How can you express yourself? Right? What are those things that you used to love? And for some reason they were no longer aligned with who you thought you were becoming.
So you let them fall away. But like. You actually really enjoyed those things. So for me that was things like fashion. You know? [00:26:00] Once I became this like medicine woman, I was like, well, I can't like fashion because that's frivolous and silly and no one will take me seriously. But I actually love fashion.
Like I love style, I love getting dressed. I love beautiful garments. And as I've been on this journey of self-acceptance and becoming whole, I had to bring that back in and reclaim that. Reclaiming parts of self is a way that we come to wholeness. Integration is the path of wholeness and it's not about. Perfection. It's not about being perfectly integrated.
Integration is a lifelong process. We are constantly learning about ourselves. We are constantly changing. We are constantly evolving. We are constantly becoming who we are. And so instead of focusing on some idea of perfection, you know, focus on presence, focus on truth, and focus on being there. For yourself, reclaiming that wholeness and you know, what would help [00:27:00] you to see yourself as whole?
Because this is a universal truth. We are all already whole worthy and complete as we are. We don't have to do anything or be anything to be whole or worthy or complete just by being born and being given the gift of life, we are whole worthy and complete. That's a piece of bouie wisdom for you there.
And so. What's getting in the way of you orienting yourself through that if you're listening to this and it's all resonating with you, but you're like, uh, I don't really know like where to go from here, but I know that there's something here for me. I wanna invite you to take this content from.
Passive engagement to active engagement, and I wanna do that by inviting you into my six month coaching container. This is a six month journey that honestly feels like a slow burn, psychedelic experience. It's always such a beautiful. Surprise [00:28:00] when I have that call with my clients at the end of the six months together and we reflect on how far they come, we're always like, wow.
Like this literally is as big as a psychedelic experience can be. And often psychedelics and medicine work is woven into the six months together. But this is really for those of you who are listening who are on the medicine path, and you're ready to shift out of the victim, to shift away from healing and fixing and striving and grasping and controlling into living, being, integrating joy, authenticity, love, creativity.
I use a research validated map of consciousness that's rooted in neuroscience. psychotherapy, NLP. A bunch of fields to coach you, to be with you, to hold a mirror up for you. I'm not here to tell you what to do [00:29:00] because you already know you are already whole. Just here to show you where that truth is not actually being lived. This is a space for authenticity, for truth, for integration, for getting real, and for being with all parts of you.
So. If this sounds interesting to you, I will direct you to my website, modern psychedelics.net/apply, and you can fill out an application form. I am enrolling for September, so September and October enrollment is open. I have quite a few spots . If you are interested, please apply.
I promise you, we are going to walk through quite a transformation together and totally uplevel and change the way that you approach your inner orientation, your inner world. You're gonna understand consciousness and energy and your belief systems in such a deep way once we start working together. You can learn all about that if you're not sure if you wanna apply yet, but [00:30:00] it sounds interesting go on my website. Also link down below and you can go to work with me. Psychedelically Informed Life Coaching. You can read about the program, you can read about My Process.
It's very powerful. And I also have a bunch of very in depth testimonials on my website if you go to work with me. Coaching testimonials. You can read the stories of people just like you who are getting the support that helps them really uplevel and walk through medicine work, high consciousness, living integration, and just this overall journey of self-love and acceptance and expression, and being who you are meant to be in this world.
So I hope that you enjoyed this. Let me know what you think about this concept of . Stop healing, start integrating. I know that there's just a lot of like semantics involved here, but what I really want you to take away from this episode is that energy of fixing versus that energy of seeing yourself as already whole, worthy and complete.
[00:31:00] And what would be different for you? If you are able to fully, consciously make that shift, I'm so excited for you. Take me as living proof that slow and steady wins the race and that healing is truly a long game. I've been talking about this for years, about playing the long game, about being in the long game of life, and it feels so wonderful to be standing where I am today.
It's feeling so, huh. Accepting and loving of myself. And if it's possible for me, someone who really hated myself, it's possible for you too. I promise you. And I am here to walk through that with you. So let's do this. Let's work together. Apply for coaching. Also, let me know what you think about this episode.
You can reach me at hello@modernpsychedelics.net. If you did enjoy this episode, leave a five star rating and review on Spotify. Um, or if you listen on [00:32:00] Apple, a written review always goes a long way. I have a 4.9 star rating on Spotify, uh, with over 250 reviews. So thank you guys so much for.
Rating and reviewing the show for listening. I just couldn't resist recording this episode for you today because this is a unlock that. Gosh, I'm so excited about and just couldn't wait to share with you.
So enjoy the rest of your day. Have a beautiful start to September to spooky season, and we will talk soon. Bye.
