126 | Releasing People Pleasing, Reframing Authenticity & Embracing a Creative Mindset (The Journey 005)
“The biggest change has been allowing myself to be messy, vulnerable, and real, without needing to perform for anyone else.”
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In this episode, Lana sits down with Karis Malszecki, a creative professional and former coaching client, to dive deep into her transformative journey over the past year. Karis shares how coaching helped her navigate life’s transitions—from a major career shift to moving homes and embracing a more authentic way of living. Together, they explore the power of self-awareness, creativity, and embracing authenticity, especially when faced with life's stressors.
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Topics Covered:
Releasing People-Pleasing: Karis discusses how her tendency to overextend for others led to burnout and resentment, and how coaching empowered her to set healthy boundaries, prioritize self-care, and stop sacrificing herself for others’ needs.
Reframing Authenticity: Moving from a rigid, achievement-based definition of authenticity to embracing a more effortless, presence-based approach, Karis shares how this shift changed the way she shows up in her life and work.
Embracing a Creative Mindset: Karis talks about the profound impact coaching had on her creative process, allowing her to approach her work with less pressure and more joy, and how authenticity and creativity are now intertwined in her daily life.
Navigating Career and Personal Transitions: Karis reflects on how coaching supported her during a major career shift, her relocation to a new home, and how integrating her personal and professional worlds led to a more balanced and fulfilling life.
Dealing with Stress in a Healthy Way: Karis shares her evolution in dealing with stress—moving from self-criticism and overwhelm to a more compassionate and present response, giving herself space to acknowledge and navigate stress rather than be consumed by it.
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Things Mentioned in This Episode
Show Links:
Iboga Integration & Prep Coaching (NEW-now enrolling)
Psychedelically Informed Life Coaching (6 Month Program)
Where to find Karis Malszecki:
About Karis Malszecki:
Karis is a Toronto filmmaker and entrepreneur who brings stories to life across digital media , film, television, and music videos. She’s worked with artists such as Bombay Bicycle Club and television host Frankie Celenza, and also produced her own short film, “On The Water.” Driven by curiosity and integrity, she collaborates on international productions and campaigns, while building meaningful connections with visionary creators from all walks of life.
Looking for a professional coach to support you on your psychedelic path?
Look no further! Along with being the host of the Modern Psychedelics Podcast, Lana is a 3x certified professional coach who works with people on the psychedelic path.
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126 - The Journey - Karis
Lana Pribic: [00:00:00] Am
Hello everyone. Welcome back to the show. I'm here with Karis Malszecki, a dear friend, past coaching client, and she's here today to share all about her own journey.
So yeah, welcome to the show, Karis.
Karis Malszecki: Thank you so much for having me Lana. I'm very happy to be here. I listen to a lot of modern psychedelics and it's so cool to be on the show.
Lana Pribic: Yes, we love that full circle moment. So, yeah, just to get started and warmed up, introduce yourself to the audience. Tell them a little bit about who you are and all the amazing things that you're doing in the world.
Karis Malszecki: So. I live in Toronto. I travel a lot for work. I'm a creative, I mainly work in video and also in a little bit of creative strategy. And I'm also very invested in like music and culture in my personal time. And I just tend to, be that [00:01:00] person that knows everyone has six degrees of separation.
And I spend as much time as I can you know, visiting other countries and, and, and expanding my network.
Lana Pribic: Yeah. Great introduction. I feel like that's a really good explanation of your energy and all the things you have your hands in. Yeah. You were just traveling in Vietnam and working over there. Right. And that's like pretty common for you to just take off, do a cool job somewhere cool, and then stay there for a
Karis Malszecki: Yeah, I'm so, grateful to have clients and the opportunity to travel for various reasons around like video production. And I'll usually try to tag on a little bit more travel if I can, because it's, going out to a place like Vietnam, you might as well stay a little bit longer.
Lana Pribic: For sure. Yeah. I think the creative. Part of you is probably something we're gonna dig into a lot today. 'cause I know a lot of people listening [00:02:00] are wanting to relate to their creativity in a more powerful way. And are someone who is just so tapped into her creativity. So we will definitely circle back to that
but before we get there, can you take us back to, what was it about a year ago, probably when you started thinking about applying for coaching and working with a coach. Where were you at and what was going on? What made you say like, I think it's time for me to work with a coach.
Karis Malszecki: Yeah, I think I had a lot of changes happening in my life about a year ago. One of the biggest things I am very career oriented was that a company that I founded and had been running for six years was being essentially acquired by a larger creative agency. And so that was creating a lot of both opportunities, but also tumultuousness because I was entering a totally new place [00:03:00] and I had a new set of coworkers, a much larger group also just different clients.
And then on top of that I had, recently moved and my home was like, in shambles, like my new home wasn't ready. And I had a lot of great things going on in my personal life, but I felt like there was very little balance that to what I, to my every day. And I just felt this extra level of stress and, and kind of unhappiness that didn't seem to align with the amount of good things in my life. And I wanted to find a way to appreciate things more. I also was entering, and I'm still on this path uh, a more kind of spiritually oriented part of my life where I'm becoming a lot more open to finding out more about [00:04:00] myself and not being against anything that I encounter as far as like maybe I used to be very much against the idea of practicing any type of religion.
And I think it kept me from actually getting to know some practices that would benefit me. So I was in this place where I was meditating a lot and thinking a lot about how to. Become more authentic in the world and I really just needed someone to work with. So that's when this serendipitous opportunity to work with you came up.
And at first I was very scared 'cause I thought like it feels like a big step I'm not someone who usually asks for help. So it just seemed like, why would I ask someone to focus on me for months at a time? Like, It almost seems like selfish.
So yeah I decided [00:05:00] that was definitely one of the types of reactions that was keeping me from enjoying all of the good things in my life and I should just move forward and work with you.
Lana Pribic: I love that you brought up that it felt selfish for you to focus on yourself in that way. Because that was such a big theme for our work together was it seems selfish to focus on myself. And that's the beautiful thing about saying yes to coaching or saying yes to something, anything for yourself, whatever it is, is by just taking that step, you're starting to shift the narrative, break up the story, and create a new story for yourself. So it sounds like you were in this place where there was a lot of things going on in your life, lots of transitions and changes, lots of shifts, and with that came so many amazing opportunities ahead of you. But because of the stress and the overwhelm that you were feeling, [00:06:00] it was creating this lack of balance in your life that was keeping you from being able to fully express and explore and utilize your energy in the way that you wanted to for all of these opportunities that were ahead of you.
Is that fair to say?
Karis Malszecki: Yeah, you really summed it up.
Lana Pribic: Yeah. Okay. And for someone like you who's a creative, right, it's so important for you to take all the opportunities that come your way, that feel exciting to you. So you said yes, you got over this idea that it was gonna be selfish, you did the thing that felt courageous, you did the selfish thing, what was most surprising to you?
At the very beginning stages of going on a six month coaching journey,
Karis Malszecki: I think the most surprising aspects of it. We're how smooth the landing was in a way. I remember our first, I took a screenshot of myself, which I just [00:07:00] checked out on our first meeting 'cause I wanted to remember it. And I was sitting in a park in Amsterdam next to a bike I had rented. And I was sitting in the sun and it was like my first day off in like maybe eight plus months of very
Lana Pribic: remember that.
Karis Malszecki: work.
And it felt it almost felt like, um, the most healthy thing I could be doing that day, even more so than, you know, if I had found a beach chair or, you know, in a, my tie like this felt like giving back to myself. And I immediately started facing some of those false narratives that I had been telling myself about.
What I'm allowed to do and how I should be treating myself. And you, it was so easy to talk to you as well. Like I thought we were going to have a very prescribed journey. And so it was really delightful and a little bit [00:08:00] daunting at first, but in a very good way to see how open-ended it could be and how we were going to truly explore where we needed to explore, like in, in a very intuitive way.
And I thought that was amazing because we'll talk about it more later, but it's just so, it really takes you to the places you need to go, almost like a river.
Lana Pribic: Yeah, beautifully said. I think a lot of people are surprised by that because when they hire a coach, they're like, well, you're here to coach me. You're here to tell me what to do. You're here to guide me and in some way maybe gimme some answers. And then within that first, I don't think it was even our first coaching session, it was just the ELI, it sounds like you were starting to realize like, oh, okay,
we have a map, but we're not really sure where we're going. We have some tools. I know that Lana has some tools. I'm not really sure when she's gonna use them or how she's gonna use them, but basically we're going on this adventure to, to find out a little [00:09:00] bit more about who I am and how I'm holding myself back and what I really want in life.
And that's what coaching's all about.
Karis Malszecki: Yeah, I think it's almost like granting yourself the time to actually think about these things and with someone there to both help shepherd some of it, but also reflect and also just hold space. Like I am getting better at doing that for myself now after coaching. But it didn't occur to me until I did the ELI test that I hadn't thought about myself very much in a long time.
Lana Pribic: Yeah. Yeah. So there were some of those narratives that were starting to surface for you already, like you were questioning. Is this way of thinking about taking care of myself, it being selfish. You know what is that? Is that something that's useful for me? Right? It's coaching is that [00:10:00] space where we can bring that to the surface, bring that stuff that's on the back burner to the front burner and just really look at it with curiosity and openness and non-attachment.
And it's really gentle, isn't it? And so that was kinda one of those narratives that was servicing for you. What else was coming up for you in those early days around like how you might be Yeah. Getting in your own way or maybe not even fully aligned with your authenticity or, yeah. What was coming up for you?
Karis Malszecki: I think it was really interesting. One area that I. I still think about sometimes is the idea of accepting some of the things about myself that I thought were bad, that I'm constantly worrying about, such as if I have any kind of anger or negativity. It was just talking about it as a normal part of life and energy and thinking [00:11:00] about the fact that all of this is transmutable in different ways and is also not a bad thing.
I think that was something that really struck me. And then also I think just being able to talk through both. Very recent things that were going on and giving them some thought in combination with life long veins of thought or historical stuff was extremely helpful because I found that we were starting we started to create a new understanding.
And finally especially like the Wheel of Life I really liked doing that assessment because I, it was liter, it was so interesting. It's just such a simple concept like numbers and an, and an area of your life and so on. And then [00:12:00] to, when you start to think about it, it's like your entire world.
And I was actually able to focus on areas. With that as the kind of the backdrop. And it was really interesting to see how things changed when we went back to it months later. Those are just a few off the top of my head.
Lana Pribic: Yeah. What really stood out to me was you were talking about how you were starting to realize that these states of being, such as anger, right, were transmutable. They weren't something that had to be so solid, right? You could transmute them, you could move them. And I also really liked how you were talking about how we were creating a new understanding for even historical stuff in your life.
And you're someone who if I may share this about you to the audience. You've seen therapists in the past, right? Usually therapy is the place where we [00:13:00] deal with the more historical stuff. Can you tell people who are listening, who have never done coaching, what your experience was like of working in a therapeutic container and then working in a coaching container?
What were some of those differences for you and, what was maybe supportive about the therapeutic container? And then what was maybe supportive about the coaching container for you?
Karis Malszecki: Yeah, I really enjoyed how the coaching container was, is for me a place where I can move around and have, in some ways I was applying our coaching container world to very concrete things and also really thinking about stuff like my behavior and my mindset. And reevaluating different aspects of my life with, through [00:14:00] our conversation.
And then the therapeutic container for me involved a lot of assessing some of my past pain and trying to find and trying to find ways of understanding that would allow any of that past pain to move more firmly into the past. So it felt very different to me.
Lana Pribic: Yeah. Yeah. Thanks for sharing that. So, authenticity was something that we worked on. Who is Karis, what does Karis show up as when she's, you know, fully herself. So I wanna start off this part of the conversation by asking you, how did your understanding of authenticity change or evolve?
Karis Malszecki: I think I had an idea of authenticity before as [00:15:00] being something that you achieve, like almost a form of purity. And it's something that you have to work towards and that you don't have, or you have and in some way is like a personal or moral failing. And I think. That way of looking at it was what was holding me back.
And in a way it was almost like, for lack of a better description, it was like I ju actually needed to try way less hard and just kind of like be, and at the same time, especially through our coaching, I found myself a lot less invested in my impressions of other people's opinion. And even with some of, any kind of direct feedback, being able to have my own identity [00:16:00] and personhood be itself and not ha not have to be moved by anything around me.
And I think that's a ki that's a kind of authenticity that I hadn't expected to find. It was like. Oh, just turn in this direction. There's the authenticity. And also I think there's an enjoyment in feeling authentic, even when things are hard and accepting things, accepting myself more fully, and also people around me to allow for much more authentic interactions and just day-to-day living.
So that's something that I think we crossed many bridges to get there.
Lana Pribic: Yeah. Beautiful. It's interesting the way you're talking about how your understanding of authenticity has evolved from this very level two perspective of you either have it or you don't. It's something you have to work [00:17:00] towards. It's something you can tick off a box. It's something that you do and you know, it's evolved into this very level six understanding of authenticity.
It's about just being present, existing in this moment. That is how you are authentic. And I think that actually comes directly from maybe the module on authenticity perhaps.
Karis Malszecki: I think we did a lot of work on that module. I was really into that module.
Lana Pribic: Yeah. Right. Because what it says in that module is the only person you can really be is you.
There's no one else you can be. Right?
Karis Malszecki: I think there's that too is I know it sounds kinda silly, but this aspirational aspect of I wanna be glamorous or beautiful or successful. I think facing some of, you know, negative self views and getting past them is part of that authenticity and feeling just kind of with the end goal honestly, [00:18:00] of just enjoying being alive as far as I'm concerned.
Lana Pribic: Yeah. Beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. And how has this evolution of what authenticity means to you, how has that come into your creative process? In other words, how is your authentic self showing up to the creative process now versus when you were looking at authenticity in that other way?
Karis Malszecki: I think what I've discovered as I've become more and more authentic in my bel in my everyday life and in my interactions with both my internal world and external world, is that I'm able to actually enjoy a much more creative mindset than ever. I think one of the things that was holding me back [00:19:00] in when I was more stressed out, before we started coaching especially was trying to achieve something that my clients or people I'm working with or even on my personal projects, that I considered a, some level of success.
And so the authenticity allowed me to have a start to develop a new relationship with the creative process where everything is a conversation is fluid, is moving between many different worlds and minds and communication lines. And I almost kind of felt like. I was becoming like the genie in Aladdin when he gets really scary in the cave for a second and he grows really big and can like, move planets around, I dunno.
I just felt like more of the master of my domain in the sense of I could [00:20:00] reach into my mind and take inspiration and have really interesting, authentic conversations with people and use all of the gifts that I have naturally and the skills that I've honed over many years to actually create things that have substance and to not be worrying about if they are good or if it's what people want.
And just allowing things to come to life essentially.
Lana Pribic: Hmm. Okay. And when you're kind of creating from that place, not that it's about the results, but what are the results? Like, how are the, how do the things that you end up creating turn out for you?
Karis Malszecki: Yeah, the, I would say it's been better because I'm less afraid of failure, [00:21:00] and so I can take a little bit more risk and also be a lot more honest. And we end up making amazing projects and having really unique experiences. For instance I, one thing I found is that I tend to hold back on giving notes to uh, collaborators if I have some kind of concern about how they're gonna take the note or if I think someone else has a better idea, or even if I think I am in too uh, low of a position to be giving these notes. I've stopped worrying because at the end of the day, what I've discovered is that's an area like crafting, crafting visual language and crafting message and creating creating something for people to share is something that I'm very good at and people don't want me to hold back.
It's actually, I was making projects worse before and not actually giving [00:22:00] them my whole self in a lot of ways.
Interesting.
Lana Pribic: amazing. Oh, I love that. What's really coming through for me right now is all of these things that we're talking about here, authenticity, creativity, and presence, all highly anabolic, or they're all high consciousness states of being that. When one exists, it makes it so much easier for the other to exist.
They all kind of work together and function together. When you're authentic and present, it's so much easier to be creative When you're present and creative, it's so much easier to show up authentically to that creative process. What do you think about that?
Karis Malszecki: Yeah, I think that's it exactly. It's like one, one leads to the other and doors open. And although you know everything. Is always a journey. And [00:23:00] there's times when, I might feel more insular or there's times when I might be super inspired. I feel like I have so much more. I feel like I have so much more agency now.
For instance, the Vietnam trip that I was just on it was two intensive work weeks in Singapore filming for a large summit there. And then I decided to go to Vietnam to meet some colleagues and do a little bit of work, but also to look for inspiration and to expand my mind a little bit. And that was extremely intentional and that was my way of.
Of actually promoting further authenticity of testing myself in a, being in a place where there was almost no English spoken. And going to museums and checking out, street food and fashion and [00:24:00] just really immersing myself like that kind of stuff is part of my practice. And just being more aware of that and not worrying about how I'm not sitting at my desk doing my job is part of the authenticity.
Lana Pribic: I love that you were able to prioritize that for yourself and really make it a point to feed yourself creatively and to feed your inspiration. I can't even imagine what will come outta that.
Karis Malszecki: The nice thing is like, especially with. Talking with you over the last year what I discovered is that I love just circling around things and that I have this, I'm sure we all do. I have this like, very rich kind of internal world and I didn't even think about it.
I've been so outward facing. So trying to feed my internal world and be with that space more is another kind of interesting outcome.
Lana Pribic: Beautiful. [00:25:00] Yeah. The internal will be reflected in the external. So yeah, the more that we water that garden internally, the more we also. Water, the garden externally. 'cause it's all, it's all energy, it all follows. So, yeah. Wonderful. So I feel like so far our conversation has been pretty like light and we've been talking about all of these beautiful gifts that you've received from coaching and from just exploring your inner world and all the lovely stuff.
But, you know, it wasn't all so easy and light, you really had to get over some what do we wanna call it? I guess people pleasing would be like the term that most people listening would understand, which I know that, I think. 80% of the clients that I onboard, this is their biggest energetic block.
It's this idea of I must put others first. I need to solve other people's problems. I need to give [00:26:00] until I'm empty. I can't do anything for myself because that's selfish. I can't be selfish. I have to be a good girl. A lot of it is around religious upbringings. I work with a lot of clients with religious upbringings that have a lot of concepts and ideas about being selfish.
So, this is something that I just wanna validate for both you, Karis right now, who are, who is so. Bravely and beautifully sharing her journey with people listening, but also to anyone else who's listening, who, who's working through these these tendencies to put others much more before ourselves.
So let's talk about that a little bit. Yeah. Because I, I think that was like the big thing, right? It was showing up at work. It was showing up in the relationship. Right.
Karis Malszecki: Yeah.
It's funny because when we first started the coaching I'll tell like a super short anecdote is I went to a shiatsu session by [00:27:00] a recommended, shiatsu practitioner that same week. And this woman was a very direct Russian born woman. And she moved me around on the table like, like I was a very beloved sack of potatoes.
She was very strong. And she said to me at one point, I can tell by your body that you need to love yourself more 'cause it feels like you're giving too much. And I was like, wow. Was not expecting that. But I think what she was sensing is that I had just gone through an intensive, intensive work period.
I had been covering for a lot of people at work. I had been doing a lot of stuff for my family as well. And I had just been on just output mode and it was a lot of people pleasing and. I normally do take good care of myself, like I do care about my health a lot, but I [00:28:00] hadn't even noticed that I had let my physical health start to dwindle till my skin was getting gray.
I had like injuries that were like not healing quickly, like my hair wasn't like cut, and I was just, and I was in a lot of pain, like just achy and feeling inflamed. And I was like, that combined with talking to you made me realize that I had let things almost go too far. Like I think there are times when you do have to be more generous in life and patient.
But I realized I hadn't put any kind of limit on what people could ask of me. And I was getting to the point where I was. Almost bitter. Thankfully I wasn't there yet, but I was very tired and I realized a lot of the the problems that I was having where, someone was very rude to me or I didn't feel [00:29:00] respected.
I realized regardless of how that person felt and whether they actually had any malice, I was ultimately allowing it to happen. And I needed to stop stop being so nice, I guess is the word because it was to a fault where I was actually hurting myself.
Lana Pribic: You had to take responsibility for being so nice.
Karis Malszecki: Yes. And I think I was confusing 'cause I really wanted that like level seven energy and I really do appreciate all humans and animals and plants as well. I really do appreciate everyone's right to exist and genuinely want them to suffer, less or have full lives.
But I can't, as we were just saying, I can't help everyone and I can't solve [00:30:00] everyone's problems and there are going to be, you know, times when I have to just step away from someone or something or speak up for myself. And I wasn't doing that and I was living in a major imbalance.
Of it.
Lana Pribic: Yeah. Yeah. And so we were exploring, this. Possibility that helping others doesn't always have to come at the expense of yourself. Right.
Karis Malszecki: Yeah, exactly. . There's something that Marie Kondo said that I really loved because there's a really big gift giving culture in Japan. They give, a lot more gifts than I think average. And so there's a lot of people who suffer from clutter in her clientele because they have too many gifts and they feel bad about giving them away because they're gifts and maybe they haven't been used, et cetera.
And one of the things [00:31:00] she wrote in her, one of her books was they. The person who gave you that gift did not give it to you in order for you to be burdened by it. That was not the intent of the gift. And so that's something I think about sometimes where, I don't give the gift of kindness to burden people, and I know that if people are accepting a kindness for me or I'm helping them, very few of them would accept it or be happy if they knew I was suffering because of that.
Lana Pribic: That's really powerful, right? Because. When you're helping someone from that empty cup or with that undertone of resentment or obligation, that's all energy that can be in some way felt, even if people can't fully put it into words or fully understand it, there's still something about it that's felt like it.
Something feels off, right. They feel weird to receive. [00:32:00] Have you ever experienced that before where you're like, you can just tell something's off. The smile's there, the generosity's there but it's that energy that's there and that's transferred right.
Karis Malszecki: Yeah, I think that's partly, although I'm getting better with it I often have a bit of an aversion to stuff like all like resorts or any kind of like heavy service place. 'cause I, even though it's just people's jobs and I'm happy for them to have work. I don't. Love the energy of lots of people who don't really wanna be there trying to be nice.
To me it's like not, it is not really my thing, but on an interpersonal level that's even less good, because at least, yeah, so a hundred per I do, you know? and even in my work, 'cause especially we do a lot of filming, I honestly believe that if you have a happy set, if you have people who feel good to be there, [00:33:00] that the footage that you get and the stuff that you capture on camera will fully reflect that in a very nuanced way.
Lana Pribic: Yeah. Of course. Yeah. So what has changed for you about how you approach service giving boundaries and just managing your energy around all of that?
Karis Malszecki: I think one of the main things that has changed for me is to approach without any preconceived notions as much as possible, and to also do some, be more, especially through some diagnostic tools like the Wheel of Life or the ELI report. I am starting to be able to have a better understanding of where I'm at any given time so that I can place myself.
For instance I got a call last night at 11:30 PM from a [00:34:00] colleague who needed something immediately, and I started. I was, I had to do the work, but I started getting stressed out. But I, at first, I wasn't being honest with myself that I was not happy to be taking the call. And so I was started looking around.
I was at home and thinking, looking for problems, oh, that's messy, or what's going on here? Or I have a stomach ache or whatever. Just getting into that mode and literally within five minutes I was like, you know what? This call's gonna happen no matter what. This has to happen.
It doesn't have to be a regular occurrence. It has, upset my equilibrium for the night and it's unfortunate. And it is, bringing up my stress response right now. Like I am feeling a little bit sweaty and I'm feeling a little bit sensitive. So I'm just gonna take it easy. Ex, know that this is gonna be over soon [00:35:00] and just take care of myself after.
And that really lightened my mood a lot.
Lana Pribic: Wow, that sounds like such a healthy, mature way to speak to oneself.
Karis Malszecki: Yeah. So that, that I wouldn't
Lana Pribic: That's self-awareness right there. That's how self-aware people speak to themselves, honestly. Right?
Karis Malszecki: I don't.
Lana Pribic: yourself like the mature adult that you actually are, rather than through the wounded inner child or like the programming that isn't even fully who you are anymore. You're showing up for yourself as yourself today.
Karis Malszecki: Yes. And you
Lana Pribic: level seven.
Karis Malszecki: yes. I'm working really, I really love the idea of just being and,
Lana Pribic: Yeah. Even if you're stressed or uncomfortable, like the fact that you have self-awareness about it and the fact that you are able to catch yourself to have the awareness to then choose how to respond. [00:36:00] People want to think that like, oh, living life from a high con level of consciousness. It's all good, it's all happy.
It's all No it's all of it. It's everything, but it's your relationship to each moment of stress that changes. Yeah.
Karis Malszecki: Yes. Yeah, it's the relationship and I think that the agency that I mentioned is, has been a really big part of my change and my finding of a more, essentially, a more serene like day to day.
Lana Pribic: Yeah. Amazing. Amazing. And you were talking about your stress reaction or your stress response. Tell us a little bit about. Yeah. Well I know that you were feeling, you were like at an all time low when it comes to stress, it sounds like when we first started working together, just 'cause of everything going on.
But how do you approach stress, work with stress, look at stress? Do you [00:37:00] have a lot of stress these days? What's stress like for you in the day to day and how do you look at it?
Karis Malszecki: I feel like I'm in a place now where I still have stress that comes up, but I, instead of thinking that the stress is born of me, so to speak it's almost like I felt like my stress before was something that was wrong with me and I. Telling myself it was wrong to be stressed and I was ruining my day 'cause I'm stressed now.
And why am I such a stressed out person? And starting to have a more of a ability to separate myself from the situation and ha and accept life as it is and myself as a being in the world. And realize, also have a lot of compassion for myself. And say something like, receiving an emergency call 1130 is a stressful sit [00:38:00] thing to happen.
And there's nothing wrong with being feeling stressed. It's just that I don't have to accept that stress level. And I think what is happening now is I'm starting to craft the things that help me have a less stress life into my. It into my daily life more and more,
And I'm finding ways to, manage any stress as it comes up rather than being at its, being at the how do I put it?
Instead of being like under the control of whatever is happening around me. So I think there's also one big part of it, but one big part of our our coaching that I think feeds into this in a very kind of unusual way is that one of the first things that I wanted to talk to you about was how to move [00:39:00] through my new home without feeling stress.
Because when we first. Started talking, as I alluded to at the beginning, I had just moved into a new place and there were boxes everywhere. I was moving in with my partner, and so we were dealing with the fact that we both had a whole apartment's worth of stuff in times two.
And I was also just too occupied at work to be able to get everything sorted out and set up. And I'm a very kind of interior design oriented person. I really love having spaces where they reflect like personality and they're easy to move through. And so living in this space that I felt didn't reflect me was adding to my daily stress.
And so we worked on, we created a plan of. What it would feel like to walk through the house and all of the things that I dreamed [00:40:00] about. We, I ended up bringing to fruition just with a little bit of oversight by you and just checking in with me. And I think doing that in my physical space made me realize that I could do that in my mental space, spiritual space, and like in my life in general.
And I, I have really, it's not about designing every single detail, but it's more about choosing and taking and not having to accept not having to do everything that comes my way. Getting away from that. People pleasing as well.
Ha Not worrying about stuff like fomo. I can't go to every party.
I can't take every job. I can't be everyone's friend.
Lana Pribic: Like you're choosing to focus on your home and that's a choice you're making.
Karis Malszecki: Yeah, like I stayed home a few weekends just to, improve the space, paint a wall or organize my mugs or [00:41:00] something. And the dividends it paid were unreal. 'cause I feel literally every single day I look around whatever room I'm in and I feel like a little ping of joy.
Lana Pribic: Yeah. Amazing. Yeah. Your space is so cute. It's
Karis Malszecki: and it's not like for your listeners, it's not like I am, I have a lot of money or anything. Like I know I worked with what I could and a lot of
Secondhand, but I just made it feel good for me.
Lana Pribic: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was something that was really important to you. Right. And I wonder what was it that was like, because that's a bit of an unusual coaching topic that people come to, and sometimes I'll work with clients and we'll start on the outside, exterior outer stuff and kind of work our way in, if that makes sense.
But I guess I just wanna expand listeners' realm of possibilities for what coaching can actually [00:42:00] help you with. What was it about moving into a new space, organizing it, making it cozy, and like prioritizing that, that like you had to bring to coaching. Like why wasn't that just something that you could just figure out on your own,
Karis Malszecki: I think a lot of the things holding me back from having the type of home life and like personal space that. Would improve my daily life and just give me a certain level of peace. It was almost like the shell on all of the other things that I really needed to think about and talk about.
I was, oh yeah, not at home because I was too busy doing favors for people, and I wasn't taking care of my space or I I was having, maybe negative thoughts about stuff and not thinking that I could just get up and change it easily. Or even a sense of deserving of saying, maybe I have like a smaller [00:43:00] unattractive apartment, but actually this place can be beautiful and I can really love living here and I don't have to accept.
A lower quality of life just because of this is what I have access to. I can enjoy the way, like my lifestyle in any circumstance. I think I was, I just was not, I was spending too much time thinking about what I didn't have and what was stressing me out and not enough time on just moving through moving through the actual reality that I lived in and just being there and being present.
Lana Pribic: I love that. That's beautiful. So what you're saying is that the home projects you said it was a shell for everything that was going on internally. It was almost like the, the external. [00:44:00] Manifestation of the internal energetic system that you were operating within, you know, overextending yourself. Low perception of choice, right? Deservingness, scarcity mindset. This was all attributed to your home project. But actually that was just like a magnifying glass that let us see like, oh, this is actually what's going on for Karis internally, and I've seen this before with clients too like, we're working on their business or like, you know, something that's like a project project.
It's tangible, you can do it. And we're working on it, working on it, and then they get stuck and it's like, well, whatever, whatever you're, wherever you're stuck with this project is probably showing us where you're stuck overall in life. And so what you actually. Made happen was a perception shift, a shift in consciousness from um, overextending obligation, energy, let's call it maybe obligation scarcity, low perception of choice [00:45:00] into acceptance.
This is what I have opportunity. This is a blank canvas. I can make it what I want and presence. I'm just gonna be here now. And also high, high level of choice. I'm gonna choose to stay at home this weekend instead of going out to party because I want to live in a space that feels beautiful and functional to me.
Karis Malszecki: Yeah. And I think that all of that, it was such a great, it was, it's a great example of that kind of river like journey that the coaching actually takes, which is, you're open to wherever my mind needs to be, but we can very, one thing I found from all of our conversations, especially in the last three months when we were meeting regularly, was that we were.
More and more quickly able to sink into deeper layers. And by the last quarter of our each session, [00:46:00] we'd be at some place that I didn't even know we were gonna get there because it had been, we were just going down this forest path from my perspective. And like sometimes we, you know, suddenly there'd be like tears or something and I, I'd be like, how did we get from um,
Lana Pribic: Yeah.
Karis Malszecki: need to paint the wall to this, which is cool.
And I think that's the kind of approachability and kind of going in without any judgment and with an open mind that really good coaching and being very open to being coached can bring you,
Lana Pribic: Yeah. It's a beautiful partnership. It truly is. Right. We created all of that together, right? You as the expert of your life, me as the expert in the coaching process came together to, coach your life and experience the magic of coaching. Yeah.
Karis Malszecki: Yes.
Lana Pribic: It is so magical, isn't it? Yeah. How you, you, you never quite know where you're gonna end up, and it takes a lot of trust, presence, you know, just by [00:47:00] committing to the process of coaching, you're putting yourself into that, that, that level of consciousness where you're, where you are trusting, where you are present, where you are curious, where you're creative,
Karis Malszecki: Yeah.
Lana Pribic: So much creativity comes into the sessions themselves.
Karis Malszecki: Yeah. I find even knowing that you have this set of time over a certain amount of months. That you'll be doing this in a way like that creates the new container for being open, being self-aware and having time to think about things. And experimenting too. You know, If I can talk to you about something, why can't, I talk to my coworker or my friend, or why can't I strike up a really honest conversation with someone on the street that happens to chat with me?
I just felt like a lot of my conversations started becoming a little bit more authentic as well, in a very subtle way.
Lana Pribic: Beautiful. Ugh. This is, I don't know. I'm [00:48:00] feeling just so happy for you right now. Like it, it's always interesting 'cause being on the other side as the coach, you have an idea of, you know, what your client has gone through, but having a chance to really sit down with you like this for an hour and really hear about it from your side.
Just, yeah. Thank you. Thank you. From me and also for, from the listeners. I'm sure people are very, very expanded by listening to this.
Karis Malszecki: Well, thank you. I think I also realized I needed a bit more self-esteem. 'cause I remember teasing with a friend of mine once who know who knows you, and he said, guess what, Lana spent hours with me and she still doesn't hate me. I must not be so bad.
Lana Pribic: Who was that?
Karis Malszecki: Yeah. No, but I remember, I think, I know I'm nice and like decent person and everything, but I think I was worried that I was like either boring or
Lana Pribic: Oh my goodness.[00:49:00]
Karis Malszecki: I dunno. These are all the things going through my mind.
Lana Pribic: That's so interesting. Yeah, because that's the interesting thing about not to make this about me 'cause it's not about me, but it just for one second, I guess it will be, as the coach you have to be very neutral 'cause you're, you're a mirror for your clients. So that's the interesting thing that I have found about, sharing aspects of my own journey online sharing, parts of my life online with people is like sometimes I'm in the session too much.
And so I think that's what separates. Really good coaches from average coaches is as a really good coach, you have to know how to completely remove yourself from the session because the session is about the client. So yeah, I'm glad that we were able to get some good mirror work going for you despite that, you know, we already had a bit of a [00:50:00] relationship prior to you stepping into the coaching world.
Yeah.
Karis Malszecki: I think it was, I didn't go on your socials while we were doing coaching. I missed all of your outfits, but that I normally check out. But I think it was nice. I really appreciated the way that you showed up. It was perfect for what I was, what I needed, and it really did allow me to be myself.
Lana Pribic: Yeah. That's all you can be. That's all we want you to be.
Karis Malszecki: I, now, I know.
Lana Pribic: Yeah. Now, you know. now she knows.
Karis Malszecki: Yeah.
Lana Pribic: Amazing. Well, let's see. Yeah. Tell us how you approach life in general today. How do you look at life? How do you approach life? How do you show up for life?
Karis Malszecki: Let's see. So these days I'm feeling [00:51:00] really in emphatic in my every day, and I'm actually at a point where I'm looking for little joys throughout the day, and I've developed some routines that previously I couldn't keep up. I would always let something get in the way. And now it just feels normal. Like I am, I do the, what I always dreamed about I meditate every day.
I stretch or go for a run every day. I spend time with my loved ones, and I leave the office before dinner the majority of the time instead of 10:00 PM. And those are just a, yeah, it's just a few things. But I'm also trying to be more open to all of my experiences now including in a, in some ways I am [00:52:00] starting with a new therapist in a week, and I haven't had a therapist for a little while now.
But in some ways I feel like I'm feeling more whole than ever and more able to deal with any. Kinds of grief or stress because I'm facing them with more presence. So it's been, life lately has been quite lovely.
Lana Pribic: Quite lovely. Amazing. And I always say it's not about what you do. It's not about meditating or yoga or whatever it is that you do. It's about how you do it and the energy behind it. Right. Can you describe that energy that you're approaching life with? And I think you touched on it, right? You said there's more presence that seems to be the core of it.
But is there anything else you would say about like the energy that you're bringing to all of these amazing things that you do [00:53:00] both for yourself and for others?
Karis Malszecki: Yeah. I think I am just experiencing fully. And I don't have that layer of kind of almost toxic self-judgment anymore. And that has actually opened up instead of being, you know, for instance, the meditation. It's not like I'm doing my routine. This is something that is, you know, I'm very disciplined.
It's more like I'm looking forward to spending more time with myself and expanding where I can go with within my mind and within my presence. And so I'm actually starting to find ways to look forward to things more, and then also accepting I'll tell one quick anecdote. I reconnected with a friend of mine who's a part of the Tibetan Buddhist community and she had had a liver transplant recently.[00:54:00]
And she said to me, well, thankfully I was raised Buddhist, so I didn't mind all the suffering. I just expected it and knew it was just going to be part of life. And so I got through the liver transplant and I really resonated with her in a way. Even though I'm not a practicing Buddhist where I feel like I am much more accepting of whatever experiences come, both good and bad, and I'm not seeking constant positivity or relief.
I'm actually just living now.
Lana Pribic: Yeah. So simple, right?
So simple. Beautiful. Beautiful. And last question, what would you say to someone who's listening and considering working with a coach with a, a consciousness, an energy coach specifically?
Karis Malszecki: Yeah, I would say that it is definitely a great path [00:55:00] for me and I would recommend it for people who are ready to dive in to themself. And you don't have to feel ready. You don't have to feel like you have the time. I think just starting is the best route because I always think I'm too busy for everything and I didn't know that was, just part of the lens I was living with at that time.
Lana Pribic: Yeah. Damn Karis. Nothing gets past you anymore. Yeah. It's truly all about the lens, right? Yeah.
Karis Malszecki: Yeah.
Lana Pribic: Yeah. And we talked about so many of the lenses today that have shifted for you, but that's truly what life is. Life is an optical illusion, right? It's all about the lens that we are seeing life through.
Thank you so much. Any last words that you'd like to share with the listeners before we let you go today?
Karis Malszecki: I just wanted to thank you for having me on the show, and please [00:56:00] let me know if you ever want me back. I have, I loved working with you and I'm so grateful that this is who you are and what you do and I think that you give so much in a healthy way and I really, truly respect you.
Lana Pribic: Aw. Thank you so much, Karis. I truly respect you too. And just look up to you so much as Yeah, especially as a creative Yeah. And the way that you care and love so deeply. It's beautiful.
Karis Malszecki: Yeah. Maybe that's the biggest shift is instead of feeling like I have to show people I'm nice, I'm now not, I'm not afraid to show people how much I care.
Lana Pribic: Yeah. And that's just who you are. That's just you being you. Yeah. So much more powerful than that force up with that force, because underneath all of that was just your natural love and care that can just effortlessly shine and be without the story, [00:57:00] without the narrative. It just is.
Karis Malszecki: Yeah. The effortlessness, I'm, that's if, to answer your earlier question, I'm living effortlessly now.
Lana Pribic: Beautiful. Oh, I just got chills. Thank you so much for taking the time to record this.
Karis Malszecki: Yeah. Thank you. Thank you so much for having me.
Lana Pribic: of course.
Karis Malszecki: Wow.
